Saturday, October 03, 2009

Long time coming....



Many apologies for the lack of blogging. We have no excuses. We're tired and joyful, achy and blessed. Chasing Chloe around day and night is a wonderful, exhausting experience. She is babbling and crawling. She can recognize animals and make the appropriate noises, point to all her body parts, and say lots of words: mama, dada, bawl (ball), uish (juice), peas (please), no, yesh (yes), boo (book), boo (boo), bubawl (bubble), rock-rock (as she is rocking in her chair), moh (more), uh(up), dawh (dog), Desda (Dixon), owha (flower), tee (tree), birr (bird). She's amazingly bright, adorable and loving.

Despite all of these things, mommy and daddy occasionally need a break. I pulled something off that I have been thinking of for a long time. I arranged babysitters, time off work for me and Jared, and obtained hotel reservations and restaurant recommendations and swept Jared away to Asheville with me for the weekend. He was floored, and excited. We had a great time, and were able to regroup for the fall season. If you've never been to Asheville, I highly recommend it. We'd move there in a heartbeat if given the chance. Enjoy pics below. We'll try to start posting again on a more regular basis.

Look! We're both dressed and not covered with various bits of yogurt and nuggets and other toddler food.















Happy, relaxed Amanda





















Happy, relaxed Jared.









Hot dogs for lunch. Jared's dream come true.












In the hot dog restaurant. Jared thought this was cool.















Yummy yummy cupcakes. Best of my life.













Who knew Batman lived off the Blue Ridge Parkway?

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Это написала не я, но очень как-то созвучно настроению оказалось... В общем, не могла не поделиться....



........часто мы заполняем внутреннюю пустоту "отношениями". Мы ищем "свою половинку", расписываясь таким образом в том, что мы - 0,5. С синтементальной печалью мы вздыхаем, закатываем глаза и посылаем в пространство аффирмации, типа: "Я знаю, моя половинка уже ищет меня... "



Жертве нашей попытки наполнить свою жизнь придется туго. Она даже не подозревает о своей глобальной миссии. Ей предстоит быть в жестком формате служения нашей внутренней пустоте. Соответствовать нашим надуманным представлениям о себе. Биться в чувстве вины, если не угодит. Наша Жертва будет высосана, как лимон при ОРЗ, За бесполезностью забракована как: а). не оправдавшая надежд, б). грубо надругавшаяся над нашим чистым порывом и в). - вообще, просто как бесчувственная бестолочь.



Наши попытки заполнить свою душу за счет других, за счет событий, планируемых на каждый вечер, за счет обучения тому, что нам не нужно, за счет карьеры, которая нам не нужна, (но нужна кому-то, кто рядом), - обречены на страх перед проходящей бессмысленно жизнью, старением, уходящей молодостью, отсутствием смысла.



Мы пытаемся наполнять себя за счет создания чувства вины и чувства неловкости у других, за счет создания привязанности к себе у тех, кто оказался рядом. Мы не забываем демонстрировать тем, кто рядом, свое плохое настроение, самочувствие, усталость, заставляя их провожать нас домой, когда они хотят остаться в клубе, Мы заставляем их быть рядом с нами, потому что нам скучно, потому, что мы стерли ноги и не хотим выходить из дома. Мы легко умеем манипулировать теми, кто хорошо к нам относится, потому что мы хорошо знаем, как и чем их зацепить. Успешная манипуляция придает нам значимости, уверенности в собственной ценности, которую мы, увы, не умеем ощутить по-другому. И отработав это на своих друзьях, мы очень эффективно используем такой инструментарий на своих детях.



Мы умеем привелечь к себе внимание чужого избранника, поскольку это щекочет наше самолюбие. Мы пробуем на всех, кто попадает в сферу нашего внимания, свою внешность, свою сексуальность, свое обаяние. Если это работает, то день прошел не зря....
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